2004. High school.

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Sadie Hawkins was coming up — the medieval dance where the “girl” asks the “guy.” (A f*cking horrendously outdated concept, but I’ll save that for another email. Probably one where I also talk about butterfly clips.)

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On the outside, I played it cool.

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I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t stressed. I knew I had a slew of hot guys who were desperately waiting for me to ask.

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I mean, I had options.

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HOO BOY, did I have OPTIONS.

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(I had no options.)

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Thus, me on the inside:

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Not cool. Anxious. Stressed. Waited too long.

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Cut to:

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Lunch time, Thursday before the dance. (Told you I waited too long.) There was a freaking FRENZY in the cafeteria. Turns out a lot of people had waited too long and collectively decided that it was now or never.

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I frantically joined the mosh pit, but I got the message too late. (Damn you, Tater Tot Thursday.)

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There was NO ONE left.

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I knew this because I rapid-fire asked three guys — none of them hot, but all of whom were gracious in their rejection.

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“Sorry, Sarah already asked.”

“Ah, I’m going with Nicole.”

“Kelsey, why didn’t you ask two months ago?”

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“BeCUZ, Walker, I’m a cool girl who’s obviously not DESPERATE. Where’s Chris? Have you seen Chris? CHRISSS!”

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I ended up at the dance with the sweetest gay friend who took pity on me. I had the BEST time with him.

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Justin was the sharpest looking (and best smelling) gentleman there. And, boy, could he DANCE.

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We were — physically — in a small town in Texas, but in our MINDS ... we were at Pitbull's pool party in Miami. Grinding was a thing.

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We had an absolute ball and I couldn’t imagine going with anyone else.

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The lesson I took away?

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Well, two:

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1. The hot guys always go with the Sarahs and the Nicoles. But they’re boring anyway.

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2. It’s never too late to have a great time at the dance.

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If you’re currently in the cafeteria looking at the “saturated” online space and thinking “F*ck, everyone has a date already” … listen to me.

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There is MORE than enough room for all of us at this dance. Don’t let a saturated market intimidate you away from it. A busy market actually means a couple of quite promising things:

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You have customers waiting for you.

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The people want what you're selling.

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And they're tiiiiiired of the heavy metal-laden crockpot of bland mush that most accounts are plopping into our hungry mouths. These folks are ready to give their money to someone who isn't always telling them to steal their strategy ("I just leaned into ME!").

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On that note ...

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You have an immense opportunity to stand out.

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Have I mentioned that there is a sea of crap content out there? (Seriously, DO NOT tell me to steal your strategy.) ((Unless it's an actual strategy, but it never is.))

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The easiest way to stand out is to show your tits.

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The second easiest way is to write good words.

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I know — it sounds hard. But, allow me be annoying for a sec:

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It's not!

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The quickest way to "be yourself" (and then WRITE like it) is to think about the times when:

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You're having coffee with your friend and you're both b*tching about Sarah (always Sarah) because she never pays for drinks

or

You're yelling at your kids because they exist

or

You're proud of yourself for embarking on a business idea that you know can help other people.

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If you can write like THAT ^ ...

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... you'll definitely get a date to the Sadie Hawkins.

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Much love ✌️ Kelsey

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PS Of course my mother still has this picture.

Me & Jus Jus: