Horse testicles, splayed open.

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GOOD morning, Reader!!!

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Right, horse castration.

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It's the thing you see on a farm, at a ranch … and at the dentist.

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Last week, I showed up for my (overdue) cleaning.

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It was a new dentist's office, and it had ticked enough boxes to win my vote.

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✅ close to where we’re currently staying

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✅ a reasonable out-of-pocket price tag

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And — most importantly —

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✅ zero reviews of horse castration

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Booked.

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When I got there, they whisked me to bay 4. Everything was nice enough. Calming music was playing overhead, no one was screaming from an extraction gone wrong.

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It was everything you want out of a dentist.

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They took x-rays, did a quick consult, and bing-bam-boom it was time for the exam.

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They dropped the chair and once I was fully supine, I spotted a delightful touch.

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A ceiling tv!

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Wonderful! As you’re making my gums bleed and chastising me for not flossing more, I can keep myself distracted with …

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HORSE CASTRATION.

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Yes. The TV was tuned to horse castration.

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Not the censored kind (if that exists?).

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Nope, I got the full visual:

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• Tranquilizer
• Horse falls to ground
• Put some ointment in his eye to keep it lubricated
• Tie up a leg for safety / S&M
• Slice
• Pop out bloody veiny testicle
• Zoom in on bloody veiny testicle
• Take way too long to remove bloody veiny testicle
• Worry about anesthetic wearing off
• “Rob, we need to move faster.”

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Don’t worry — they got both out. And — don’t worry — there was nooooo shortage of blood or veininess as they made it to the finish line and woke Mr. Horse up.

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They finished my cleaning shortly after and asked to schedule my next appointment.

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Sooooo, let’s chat about customer experience.

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Your copywriting doesn’t live in a vacuum. It lives within an ecosystem that has one job: TO GET YOU CLIENTS. And when you *haven’t* thought through your customer's journey, you end up with — that’s right — horse castration.

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▶️ When you have an amazing offer, but your homepage is missing the link to your inquiry form … horse castration.

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▶️ When you have a super cool freebie, but it doesn’t at all relate to your services … horse castration.

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▶️ When you’re super active on social media, but you haven’t taken the time to write a sales page … horse castration.

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You may be hurting your conversion rate if you haven't taken EVERYTHING into consideration, like ... what you're going to show on television to your nervous dental patients.

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So as you’re writing your website, your sales page, or your emails, think about how your reader is going to interact with it ALL.

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• What did they see before they landed here?
• What is their experience as they’re reading?
• What do you want them to do when they’re done?

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A well-written website seamlessly leads your reader to the action you want them to take.

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A well-written sales page seamlessly leads your reader to the cart.

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A well-written email naturally asks you a question you didn’t see coming:

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Have you ever seen a horse castration?

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Hit reply and tell me! (Seriously, I considered vet school once. Did I choose horribly wrong when I became a copywriter?)

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Much love ✌️ Kelsey

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If you’re at all like, “Wait, Kelsey, I think my website is horse castration,” hit me up here.