horse castration
|
Horse testicles, splayed open. GOOD morning, Reader!!! Right, horse castration. It's the thing you see on a farm, at a ranch … and at the dentist. Last week, I showed up for my (overdue) cleaning. It was a new dentist's office, and it had ticked enough boxes to win my vote. ✅ close to where we’re currently staying ✅ a reasonable out-of-pocket price tag And — most importantly — ✅ zero reviews of horse castration Booked. When I got there, they whisked me to bay 4. Everything was nice enough. Calming music was playing overhead, no one was screaming from an extraction gone wrong. It was everything you want out of a dentist. They took x-rays, did a quick consult, and bing-bam-boom it was time for the exam. They dropped the chair and once I was fully supine, I spotted a delightful touch. A ceiling tv! Wonderful! As you’re making my gums bleed and chastising me for not flossing more, I can keep myself distracted with … HORSE CASTRATION. Yes. The TV was tuned to horse castration. Not the censored kind (if that exists?). Nope, I got the full visual:
Don’t worry — they got both out. And — don’t worry — there was nooooo shortage of blood or veininess as they made it to the finish line and woke Mr. Horse up. They finished my cleaning shortly after and asked to schedule my next appointment. Sooooo, let’s chat about customer experience. Your copywriting doesn’t live in a vacuum. It lives within an ecosystem that has one job: TO GET YOU CLIENTS. And when you *haven’t* thought through your customer's journey, you end up with — that’s right — horse castration. ▶️ When you have an amazing offer, but your homepage is missing the link to your inquiry form … horse castration. ▶️ When you have a super cool freebie, but it doesn’t at all relate to your services … horse castration. ▶️ When you’re super active on social media, but you haven’t taken the time to write a sales page … horse castration. You may be hurting your conversion rate if you haven't taken EVERYTHING into consideration, like ... what you're going to show on television to your nervous dental patients. So as you’re writing your website, your sales page, or your emails, think about how your reader is going to interact with it ALL.
A well-written website seamlessly leads your reader to the action you want them to take. A well-written sales page seamlessly leads your reader to the cart. A well-written email naturally asks you a question you didn’t see coming: Have you ever seen a horse castration? Hit reply and tell me! (Seriously, I considered vet school once. Did I choose horribly wrong when I became a copywriter?) Much love ✌️ Kelsey If you’re at all like, “Wait, Kelsey, I think my website is horse castration,” hit me up here. |
website copywriter for edgy businesses
Subscribe for copywriting tips every Monday!
“30 minutes and we’re OUT.” That’s what I told my partner when he convinced me to come to a new gym. (We’re hanging out in New Mexico for a month and there’s a little place super close to our airbnb. He wants to “take advantage.”) Now, some history: Eight years ago, I was in the gym every day. (I was working nights and had no social life and was able to spend 90 minutes at the gym at 11am Monday – Friday.) I was a hot gym girlie who no one ever saw except for my retired friends who were also...
Well, Reader. Lately, professionally speaking, I have sucked. Dyson Supersonic Hairdryer level of suck. The last email I sent you was six weeks ago. Six weeks is the gestation period of a cat. In essence, domestic cats have been doing more work than I have. (No hard feelings to the unsubscribes that come from this one because “who the hell is this chick again?”) I was hit hard with lethargy, lots of “what is this all for?” glasses of wine, and self-imposed hangovers from the aforementioned...
Pink hair. An adorable accent. Tattoos, jewelry, and bright vintage outfits. She’s not even afraid to show her tummy, which — if I may comment on another woman’s body — is what I would call "normal." (And I’m so RELIEVED by that.) I found her last week. And though she probably doesn’t neeeeeed me to help add to her 893K audience, I do think she might be worth a look if you have the time. Florence Given took over my life (and motivation) last week. I binged and binged and binged. Couldn’t look...